I'm feeling so down. I should really start avoiding 'him'. It seems like every time I come into contact with him, whether online or in real life, there's bound to be something small or big that'll trigger the old feelings of intense jealousy and hopelessness. That's partly what led me to become suicidal last year, and it's one of the few things that still has the force to push me into self destructive tendencies. It... still hurts, even after all these months. It hurts that I'm not the only girl he thinks of, if he even thinks of me anymore. It hurts that I'm not the only one, the sole person he has eyes for and whom he has a special place in his heart for. I guess I'm one of those vain girls who needs to be worshiped by the guy they like to not feel worthless and jealous? I'll probably do the same for the guy I choose to be with, though. And if things could be different... I know I would still want to be with him. Sigh. I hate, hate, hate this feeling!

And all because I read something I wish I didn't, and his 'cold' attitude today.